Where to Start?!

This morning I had a mini meltdown. It wasn't so mini as it was overly dramatic. I was close to tears and puppy kicking due to a terrible mix of a 14+ hour work day/night, lack of a nap (or much sleep), no rain, and no plan. I hit the sheets at about 4:30 am and woke up bright and early at 8:30, which my dogs will tell you, that is sleeping in. After convincing myself to lay in bed for an extra half hour I hopped up and Kiba and I took a trip out to the barn.

The weatherman has led us to believe we are about to enter monsoon season with much enthusiasm. For over a week the forecast has convinced us that Saturday is the day heaven's flood gates will reign down water like Niagra Falls has never seen, that thunder and lightning will ensue and we will be stuck inside for fear of becoming a human lightning rod, and this torrential downpour will last a full week. This has proven to be not so much untrue as an outright, blatant lie. This morning, as I made my groggy way to the barn in the 100% humidity, there were maybe three clouds in the sky. Yet when I checked my handy dandy weather ap on my phone it basically shouted at me, "STOP CHECKING ME. IT'S GOING TO RAIN, LIKE, ANY MOMENT NOW. JUST BE PATIENT."

I mentioned I was cranky partly because I didn't have a plan. That's untrue. I was cranky because my plan was to wake up several times in the middle of the night with terrified dogs in my bed because of the loud crashes of thunder outside. It was to let them outside to go potty and have 2 feet of water pour into my house from the 24 inches of rain we had received in the 4 hours since I went to sleep. It was to be forced to stay inside and do all of the things I haven't been able to do because the beautiful weather outside has been calling my name. It did come with the backup plan of, "If it, for some crazy reason, ISN'T raining when I wake up, I'll sneak out to the barn to ride before this week of El Nino."

So the conclusion we can all draw is that I had to go to the backup plan of riding this morning because the only water outside was the humidity you could almost see hanging in the air. The other conclusion some might draw is that the weatherman was receiving a vast majority of my ill intended wishes. As I arrived at the barn, after picking up feed and supplements, it was almost 10. There were errands to run, lunch to eat, and the ever important nap to attempt and yet again fail at. I wanted to be home by noon but with three horses to ride and feed and stalls to clean it was inevitably impossible.

Why am I boring you with this story of my unimportantly busy day, you are probably asking? Because today I had to realize something. I will probably continue to have to realize this same thing a few more times for it to sink in, but it was monumental that I even grasped this concept. I can't do everything. While that seems really basic and kind of dumb, which is true, I have obviously been missing the idea that I am only one person.

Dreaming of a rainy day!

I have these huge plans for the boys. Shows, trailering/traveling, clinics, ribbons, training rides, lessons, exercise schedules, perfect health (for me and them), abundant time, etc. I took a huge breath today and asked myself, "Does it REALLY matter if Panda is the only horse I ride today?" And then some voice somewhere, cause believe me it wasn't mine, mine would never say this, answered me, "No! It totally doesn't. Relax!" I've been in such a hurry to pick up where I left off 6 years ago that I've unknowingly been taking it out on the boys and myself. A misstep here, a poor jump there and I feel like my plans and world are falling down.

Please don't misunderstand me, I have huge plans still. And I also think we all know that if each horse got ridden every day we would move forward a lot faster and be ready sooner. But if the boys are all ready to show next month that still leaves the problem of the trailer, the money to show, the shows to enter, the equipment I am lacking, my trainer's time, etc. Those are huge and important necessities in this game we call horse showing. I want to be great, and I desire nothing less than greatness for the horses too, but if our path to greatness takes a few days off every now and then to allow me, the trainer/rider/groom/crazy lady with the dreams/stall cleaner/mom, to have a moment of peace and accomplish the other things in life that continue to pile up, then so be it. Unfortunately I am not a professional rider or stay at home horse mom so that I can devote every waking hour to my passion. Not yet.

Gotta start somewhere!

I need to realize that just because my dream isn't happening or accomplished tomorrow doesn't mean I'm failing. It's going to take a long time, longer than a few days or even a few months or years. So unless I want my goal in life to be making it to Target to get Jesse a new dog bed and filling my car up with gas, it will not be plausible to accomplish it tomorrow. In Denny Emerson's book, "How Good Riders Get Good" he talks about making choices that continue to get you closer and closer to your end goal. Those are things I can accomplish daily or weekly and those are the things I need to look at to be reassured that I'm on the right path.

"The journey of 1000 miles begins with a single step." If you don't ever start you won't ever get there.