Generally I ride Marvel in lessons but we've identified some huge issues/holes in Panda's basic training that I need help teaching to him so I hopped on Panda and succumbed to the mercy of creative minds. Panda has excelled greatly and exceeded pretty much all of our expectations for where he is now compared to where he was. I've probably been working him a total of a month and a half and even then, not riding him every single day.
So today we warmed up as usual. Walk, trot, canter, no problems (at this point there better not be!). Trotted a few times over an X with a slight bending and turning problem, but no jump problems. Reversed directions and jumped the X and we hit our first speed bump. Apparently my half-seat is less of a half-seat and more of a forward and paused post as we skim over the jump and continue on our way. Try as I might (and I did try several more times) I couldn't understand how to fix the issue so instead I held my half-seat on the approach to the jump (hey there hunter ring, didn't expect to see you back in my life). Ok. We did well enough.
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| Not Panda. Not a great half-seat. Not our lesson today. See! I've needed help for awhile! |
If you've ready my previous post about our prep for the playday this weekend you'll know turning is not our forte. By our, I mean Panda's because I realize that turning gets us new places and he's still stuck on the idea that the world is, indeed, flat and also endless and one should be able to go straight till they get tired. The exercise we were working on included several [tight] turns (all turns are tight to Panda) and I, as usual, was toeing the dirt and looking unashamedly skeptical at the fact that this horse and I could even dream of attempting this feat. Granted, that's a bad attitude to have but I haven't finished this post so don't judge yet!
Maggie was compassionate enough to let us trot each element of the exercise individually before sticking it together and cantering it. Much to my complete chagrin, my half-seat not only didn't improve, it got worse as we were trotting these only slightly larger jumps. I didn't have butterflies and I didn't think I was thinking that much but we had to have a pow wow before my mouth popping, back jarring position convinced Panda that jumping is for the birds and no fun for him. The diagnosis: NERVES.
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| HEY! That's my bottom in the saddle... |
ME?! Ms Big Dreams McGee? Nerves jumping no higher than 2'3" on a horse that, to this point, has not done one single nasty thing during our rides? Yup. Me. Excuse my text language French but, WTF?! Why? It made me more nervous that I was apparently subconsciously nervous. Going back and analyzing the jumps I couldn't tell you what I was thinking per se, but I can tell you that I wasn't expecting him to jump them. Rookie mistake. I can also tell you that I don't know what this horse does when excited or jumping so I expected the worst and held on with a Darth Vader throat grip. Another poor decision. I can also say that I was trying to conjure up everything I'd ever heard my instructors say about green horses and thought I was doing everything right, or at least making valiant and correct attempts. Negative.
Basically I was scared of the unknown. But if I never try I won't know. I've been living in the comfortable, slow moving world that is "Jeannette's Training Camp for Horses With Bad Raps Who Aren't Actually That Bad and May Even Be Great." For all my good ideas and great plans, I forgot that to get better we have to push ourselves and our horses. If I'm never a bit nervous, I'm not doing anything outside of my comfort zone. Last time I checked, I've never competed in a CCI*** so that might could possible be outside my comfort zone, meaning I'll never make it there! At least not with this attitude and mindset.
Please don't get me wrong, I'm trying my butt off, but it's easy to get stuck in a rut. This is why I was wanting so badly to take lessons. I've fallen into so many bad habits, both because of the 6 years I've had off and because of riding green horses. If you don't ever get a second opinion or someone on the ground to look at what you're doing, you'll never know if you're doing it wrong! I am eternally grateful for the lessons and they're obviously already helping me to improve.
The other thing I was quite upset about today was me, my riding, and my background. I wanted to cry, throw my hands up in the air, my reins down on the ground, and call my old trainers to have them verify that, yes, I did indeed actually jump things and take lessons and have my own horse and compete and was at least halfway decent at most of those things most of the time. I felt like a failure. You want me to work on my half-seat? Are you sure? How do I not know that anymore? Why am I nervous, I jumped double this height on Sam! WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?! Luckily the question was posed to me, "What were you expecting? To get on a horse and jump 5' and be perfect? How long ago did you used to do this?" Honestly, I expected to be perfect. I expected to jump on a horse and be ready to show tomorrow. Excuse this last one, I don't mean it as vainly as it's going to sound, but I expected to impress people. How I expected all this on a green 5 year old Thoroughbred with 6 years off, I don't really know. I hadn't really gotten that far. As with most things, I just expect Harry Potter to be real, I expect him to wave his wand, and my heels go down, eyes go up, and my horse and I to sail over jumps and off into the sunset. I'm not always the logical person I make myself out to be.
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| How have I not really looked at these pictures?! #Halfseatproblems |
In the 15 minutes after the three of us came to the realization that I just need to throw caution to the wind and let my horse figure things out it all started to come together. I can't say I threw my nerves completely to the wind, but I did raise my stirrups and throw my hands at his face (not literally, calm down) rather than his tail and everything went a lot better. We aren't event ready, or even pre-green baby hunter over poles ready, but it was a huge step in the right direction.
Nerves will always be there. They're good for you. They encourage you to analyze the situation and be sure that you are being safe and smart. Without nerves I'm pretty sure there would be a lot more Darwin Awards (Google will answer all your questions here). But there is a time when you realize that you need to tell them to take their butterflies and nausea out back and axe them because this isn't the time or place. Eleanor Roosevelt's quote sticks in my head here, "Do one thing every day that scares you." Challenge yourself. Grow. Don't get stuck in your comfort zone. It has a bad habit of building an underground bomb shelter made out of concrete that is impossible to climb out of if you let it go too long.
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| Eh. So-so. Obviously I never analyzed these. |
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