Friday, November 22, 2013

All I Want For Christmas is a Pony. That's It. Seriously.

Christmas is right around the corner. Now you are on your toes and your ears are pricked to find Christmas gifts the fam will love. Well, if you are reading this post I'm guessing that either you, or someone in your immediate family is very interested in a four-legged companion of the equine variety. Many children receive their first horse as a well intended Christmas gift. Besides being overly and excruciatingly jealous, and whether or not your first horse comes at Christmas or on June 6th (an ambiguous day of the year I hope), I have some pointers for you that will hopefully help you through this exciting and financially draining time in your life.


The biggest problem with Christmas horses is that mom and dad (or boyfriend or husband) are doing the looking while rider is sitting at home sulking due to lack of horse. While intentions are totally awesome, this is NOT a good way to find someone a horse. Most people don't realize that a horse and rider have to get along much like spouses. They will have their bad days, they will end a ride not on speaking terms, they will make mistakes, but they will also have amazing good days. You need to find a horse to match the rider so that their bad days are few and far between. It is really best if the prospective horse owner can ride the horse themselves at least one time. A good rider can adapt to and ride pretty much any horse well enough. A great rider knows when it's not a good match and passes along the horse to someone better suited for them.

So this topic leads me right in to buying the horse. Let's say, for posterity's sake, that this is not a Christmas horse, or it is and the rider knows. This is your first horse and while you may ride Tonto REALLY well (I mean come on, everyone says you do, even your trainer), you need to be realistic about your abilities and the horse that you need. You'd be surprised how old Tonto is (What, 25?!), how many miles that age comes with (ridden 4-6 times a week for 10 years), and how forgiving Tonto is of your mistakes ("I know, I know, you kicked me with your right foot but you really want me to slow down and turn right. It's ok. I've got you."). What I'm saying is, use a trainer. Always. Reading between the lines of a Craig's List add is beyond confusing and you simply don't know the right questions to ask at this point. A horse trader will smell you coming from the instant you start dialing their phone number and you'll come home with a two legged 55 year old horse being convinced that it once competed in the Olympics.

A trainer will know to ask the right questions. When you see an ad for a "Well broke, 2 year old, OTTB. Rides Western and English. Owned for 6 months. Good feet. Kid broke," can you spot the glaring questions that need to be asked? For starters, OTTB means off the track Thoroughbred. Horses begin racing at 2 or 3. After a horse is done racing he has a 6-8 month "let down period" to cool off from the craziness of track life. So the question I'd start with is, how has this horse raced AND had the time to be well broke? The next thing is that Thoroughbreds are widely known to not be easy keepers. So this means food and feet. What does good feet mean to this person? Then there are other things that weren't mentioned. What does this horse eat? Will you ride it for me before I get on (if they say no, don't ride it)? Where do you keep it? Is it good with other horses? What are its past injuries? The list goes on. Did you think of those questions? Most reputable people won't let a beginner come try their horse without a trainer.


I know first time horse owner doesn't always correspond to beginner rider. But in a vast number of cases that's exactly what it means. I am about to break your heart. Very rarely does it work out that you, as a green rider, obtain a green horse, and learn the ways of the horse world together. If it does work out, awesome. Good for you. But that's a huge risk to be taking. Let's say you opt for the $300 green horse over the $2000 broke horse the trainer suggested. You simply don't have the experience to improve this horse's skills in any way. So when you decide this horse is running all over you and is not a good match you've already spent a few months of board, already probably hit the ground a few times, hopefully haven't had too many medical bills, and already gotten attached to the horse. Not to mention the fact that now the horse has developed bad habits that someone else has to deal with. You'll be lucky to get out from under this horse for $100. And now you're out money, emotions, and a horse to boot. If your trainer likes a horse and it is within your price range, listen. You may see a lot of ads for $100-$600 horses but they come with a lot of baggage. Baggage that you really aren't capable of dealing with right off the bat. Spend the money and ENJOY your horse. The worst thing in the world is to see a person scared of their own horse.

Age matters. Color doesn't. Breed kind of does. Again, assuming the beginner nature of the rider, don't buy a 2 year old. And very rarely would I recommend buying anything younger than a 9 year old. Let me tell you right now, there are horses competing at the top levels at 17 and 18 years old. You probably aren't headed there on this horse. 9, 10, 15 are great ages. The horse has calmed down. He realizes that life isn't full of scary surprises around every corner. He's got more miles on him and more experience. Don't get caught up on the fact that he doesn't have the socks you wanted or he's not a paint. If this horse is a good match for you, save your dreams for horse number 2. There are some breeds that are predisposed to a better attitude. The Quarter Horse and Paint are a great first horse choice. In general they are more level headed and prepared to deal with a lot more crap from all sides. Stay away from Arabians and Thoroughbreds, they want to go fast and they are looking for any reason. Any reason at all. Yeah, that lady getting out of her car that you can barely see with the pony tail blowing in the wind is a great reason to run.

Please, at the very least, board your horse at a stable where you can enlist help. Do you know what it takes to feed a horse? Do you know what kissing spine is? How often should a horse get their coggins? What is forage and how does it play into a horse's diet? How do you clean a saddle? Did you know that water buckets need to be cleaned out about once a week (more if it's hot)? Do you have a vet you could call right now if your horse is injured? How do you deal with colic? There are so many things that you just don't know and wouldn't think to learn before it occurs and it's too late. Boarders will be helpful when you need them. The stable owner has a lot of experience. Don't underestimate that. These people will help you see things you might not pay attention to, like the fact that your horse is becoming the dominant one in the relationship or that you need to warm up before you gallop around the arena. Be willing to listen kindly and attentively to advice and don't make enemies. You never know who will be around when you need them the most.

Do you know how much this horse is going to cost? Board, feed, shoes, vet, tack, supplies, emergencies, wants, needs? What is it per month? Ok, now you've go that number at this barn. What happens if you're relocated? What are shipping fees? Are you going to take the horse or sell it and buy a new one? What does board average in different parts of the United States?


Basically, enlist help in your novice adventure. So many horse people are willing to help you and even more are willing to make a quick buck and sell you a horse on death's doorstep. They will try to convince you that your 8 year old and this one year old horse can grow old together. They're worse than used car salesmen and in this case, there's no "horsefax" to tell you the past about this horse. The people at your stable are the ones to turn to so that you get the experience you were looking for with your new best friend.

Tuesday, November 19, 2013

Miley Cyrus and Horses; Relatable?

Hello, and welcome to this edition of 14 hands, where we discuss such popular issues as twerking and other controversial dance moves. I'm only kind of joking and the part I'm joking about is the other dance moves because I don't know any of them. I'm also joking about Miley. The only word I hate saying more than "twerking" is "Miley Cyrus." We won't be discussing her.

Let's dive right in! So Sunday was a day full of putting my instructor pants on and helping one of my students who recently fell off remember why it is she doesn't want to quit horse back riding. While this topic could be it's own post (and probably will be shortly), I did need to mention it. I wasn't teaching so much as I was getting her on a horse and ignoring the elephant in the room that was her and her mother's fear. In this case, the elephant does, in fact, disappear if it is ignored long enough. We were very successful. I was riding Marvel while she was riding one of our tried and true and basically retired school horses.

Before you ask me where the inappropriate dance moves begin, after starting off with a story of a poor helpless girl who fell off her pony, let me help you. My student is a beginner. A can't keep her heels down or her horse at a consistent pace beginner. I don't know why I thought I could trot off into the sunset (I know, I dream a lot about riding horses in different ways off into a lot of sunsets) and have her follow me around but that was how it was going in my head when I offered for her to come ride.

Backing up so this story makes even MORE sense: on Friday I had worked an extremely long time with Marvel on "long and low." The concept of this phrase is that you ask the horse to relax, stretch his neck down searching for contact with your hands and extend his gate, propelling himself from behind. This helps the horse develop muscles it otherwise would not develop, use himself more efficiently, and also carry himself in a frame that is pleasing to the eye no matter if your a schooled horse person or a homeless man under a bridge who's never seen a horse. I had never had a whole ride dedicated to this work but I did Friday and it was extremely fulfilling. Marvel picked it right up and felt very nice.

So back to my student and I, not trotting off into the sunset as planned. I was planning on working on long and low again with Marvel on Sunday while she was working on confidence. We walked around and Marvel was in a fantastic little self-carriage frame without me asking him anything. Inside I was quite pleased because at this time we were warming up and I hadn't found out yet that my ride was not going to go according to plan.

We made a few circles, I was explaining to my student what it is that I was working on and asked her if she could identify when Marvel's head was up or down. Then I told her we were going to trot. She nodded and off I went. Without her. Woops. I thought she was following but this trot Marvel was giving me was elating. Very "come from behind." It was like we worked on long and low and then I gave him two days and some food and grass to think about it and he really got jolly about the whole idea. I was even more impressed because this was after only about 3-5 minutes of walking with no other warm up, coming straight out of his stall. Gotta love the limber and frisky 5 year olds.

Lucky for me I brought Jesse who screams every time I go faster than a walk. She slapped me back to reality, reminding me that her parents are there watching me leave their frightened little daughter in the dust of my now Grand Prix dressage horse. If we're being honest with each other, she wasn't really that scared, but still, they didn't come to watch me side pass and passage (which is good because we can't do those things). I trotted back over to my little girl and slowed down, coaching her on how to convince Harley, who somehow knew this was Sunday afternoon and she shouldn't be under saddle, to trot. It ended up working out so that she was kicking Harley and I timed it so that after a good hard kick, Marvel would trot up right behind her and convince Harley that trotting isn't half bad. Of course this, coming from a spunky young boy who eats 15 pounds of food a day, is decently muscled, and doesn't always get Sundays off. Oh, and also just figured out how fun it is to trot properly.

Without boring you with any more details of bad ponies and lots of walking, I do have to say that every time I asked Marvel to trot, whether it was on a loose rein or with contact, he almost always offered me a form of long and low. His head stayed down-ish, his trot was never heavy, and he also didn't trip now that I think about it. Realization struck me then. We need to do more working trot exercises. And thus we've come full circle. Twerking, or as I prefer to spell it, tworking. Derived from what I can only assume are English words: working trot. Definition; to literally have a specific ride dedicated to working at the trot, regardless of pace, on proper muscle building of the horse and rider, developing suppleness in the reins, and having seamless communication.

The tworking possibilities are endless. Long and low, driving with your seat and legs, not losing our shoulder, sitting trot, posting trot, serpentines, circles, loose rein, contact, engaging the hind end, transitions. The list goes on. As I believe I've already stated, my philosophy is that if you can't do something at a slower pace, you're a complete silly head (not sure that's a politically correct term but it is definitely nicer than the first few words that came to mind) to try that same thing at a faster pace. I have also come to believe that the trot is a pace at which you can work miracles and give the horse a fantastic foundation for anything he is going to do with you in the future.

Hopefully I've inspired some tworking in my horsey friend's near futures. Or at least hopefully no one thinks I'm a crazed MC fan who is trying to relate her to horses. One way or the other, I'm headed to the barn this afternoon to twork with Panda and Cash!

Friday, November 15, 2013

I'd Like to Thank the Academy; Remembering the Reason For the Season!

Well, it's November now. Not like, almost November, or just barely November, it's like, soon my rent and board are due for December November. I've been so busy blowing the dust off my winter clothes and overzealously decorating the house that I've forgotten about all the things I have to be thankful for! With horses in our lives, there are an endless number of things to be thankful for so I thought I'd share my list with you and see if I can help you remember the things we have all been blessed with.


1. I am thankful for my job(s) and that there are just enough hours to work in a week so that I can still barely afford to live but can leave a lot of time to ride! I may be staring pathetically at the holes in my beautiful Ariat paddock boots, but I shove an extra pair of socks on and trudge happily to the barn hoping I find new ones under the tree in a month.

2. I am thankful for my non-horsey boyfriend who doesn't realize how many bridles I already own and takes my word for it when I say I need to buy another one.

3. I am thankful for everyone who's ever told me to put my heels down ever in my whole life. I thought I was never going to hear the end of it. And I was right. Now it's coming out of my own mouth and directed toward my own students.

4. I am thankful for every last barn owner/manager that I have ever come into contact with. I learned who to be and who not to be, that being polite but firm and honest is the only way to run a barn, and that there are a lot of amenities people (including myself) are willing to pay for (if they have the money).

5. I am thankful for people who clean stalls. Oh my goodness. Come clean mine. I can only pay you in smiles and the occasional dozen cookies I had a moment to bake but I know the joy of cleaning the stalls is reward enough in itself. Or so that's what I've been trying to convince myself.

6. I am thankful for the lunge line. Who knew a 30' cotton line could keep so many riders from falling off their winter fresh horses? I've been the proud witness of so many bucks that I would not want to ride. Thanks lunge line!

7. I am thankful for the OTTB. Although there are many breeds around the world, the versatility of the OTTB is hard to beat. I may be slightly partial, but who wouldn't be! Unfortunately I'm not the only one to have caught on to their magical abilities so I am not thankful for the OTTB fad that has driven up the price of the OTTB.

8. I am thankful for YouTube. While it is no substitute for a real live person watching you ride and yelling instant feedback at you, it does offer some pretty good ideas for fixing problems or making workouts. And let's face it, some days you just can't do anything right. Better to be riding the couch instead of your horse and stuff a few Oreos down your throat while taking notes.

9. I am thankful for sand arenas. Right now we don't have them so one full day of rain is equal to 2-3 full days of no riding due to mud. Also, I seem to have the only tender footed horse that doesn't understand how walking works. So when mud dries into the semi-concrete mix that it always tends to form, Marvel trips every three strides and seems stunned every single time that his hoof hit something.

10.  I am thankful for cameras. Heaven knows I can't recreate the clean Cash was before he went out and rolled in the mud or the form I had over that huge oxer. BUT I can go back and look at the moment it happened!

There are so many reasons to be thankful. I've got tons more but these were what first came to mind. Remember that we are often told to make the holiday season about things that we want. In reality it's focus should be on the things we already have. Stay thankful and go visit your ponies!

Tuesday, November 12, 2013

Gasping For Air

Long time no post. I know I know. If you've heard one excuse you've heard them all but mine nowadays is that I hardly have time to breathe let alone post. Or make halfway decent grades, or sleep, or take showers on a regular basis. I wish I were exaggerating. I may be in over my head, but that is not an admission. I have decided to go about figuring out how busy is too busy.

I find myself forgetting things, needing to make excessively long lists that are overly repetitive, and getting easily frustrated and flustered when things don't go according to plan. I'm becoming like my mom who tells the same story three times because I've lost so much track of my day I don't even remember when the last time I saw you was. Early onset Alzheimer's or a case of toobusyitis? I'm not about to go to the doctor for them to stick me in a nut house (those don't have horses or dogs so you see my dilemma).

Something MIGHT have to give but before we start talking about dropping something and how many flavors of Ramen do they make and is it enough to get you through a month I thought a little analysis was in order.

I work. I know, "Yay! Congratulations me!" But seriously, I do that money making thing. While food stamps and free ObamaPhones with a black market doctor (yeah that's right, this post just got political) sound SUPER enticing I'm not sure Dover or State Line Tack accept food stamps as a form of payment and if they did, I'm not sure how many food "stamps" I'd have to save up to buy that cross country saddle I have my eye on. Also, I KNOW the whole governmental health care thing did not account for people who put themselves at risk daily by riding spooky ponies in now pitch black arenas. I'd be the first person they would decide not to cover; not that my three part time jobs offer me any sort of healthcare anyway now that we're mentioning it. They do, however, pay the bills which is crucial to this thing called living. Can't really cut those job things...

So there's always school, right?! Except that I love school. I want to be in school. To get the job I want (before owning my own barn and business) I need to stay in school. I have three classes before I graduate with my associates in Criminal Justice. Oh yeah, and the number one motivating factor: it keeps me from paying back my loans. Believe me, paying for a semester at Blinn SUCKS, but it is less sucky than watching your rent payment get taken out of your bank account, and then watching your loans follow shortly after in an amount as much or more than your rent. Remind me, this school thing, it was a good idea right? Cause right now, after having about 15 different jobs throughout my life, I haven't really seen the benefits play out like they told me they would. School will be over in May but then what? Anyway, it's too late to drop out now!

In case we've lost count thus far, I've only written 2 paragraphs about my extra and not so extra curricular activities. I would like to point out, for the record and for those that don't have enough fingers to count on, that 3 jobs plus 4 classes is more than 2 things to keep me busy.

Then there are the animals. If I haven't made it very clear, they are important to me. Without the dogs I might have more time, yell less, scare less neighbors, wear more black shirts, buy less lint rollers, clean up less pee and vomit, sweep less, and pick less hair out of my morning cereal (ok, that one might be an exaggeration) but I wouldn't be as happy. They keep me humble, teach me patience, love me unconditionally, and definitely cover me in hair, which I have yet to discover where the positive lies in that. Without the horses I would spend less money (this is debatable, just look at my closet and clothes bill before the horses. It's really unfortunately comparable), eat less dirt, be less sore, and probably weigh an extra ten pounds. But without them I'd sit at home and yell more often at the dogs for covering me in hair! It all evens out.

On top of these huge time eaters there are friends, boyfriend, dreams, goals, aspirations, errands, plans, cleaning, cooking, more dreaming, and then the occasional night of rest here and there. It's exhausting just thinking about it. Yet I'm still the person who has 30 minutes on the couch and wonders what I forgot and how many of the calories from the granola bar I'm eating are going straight to my hindquarters.

So far I've succeeded only in completely wasting your time for reading this post, my time for writing it, and the internet's vast and expansive storage space. What I'd like to hammer home is that we're all busy. My mom once tried to teach me about priorities and keeping your word and that must've sunk in a little bit because everything I've committed to, I'm doing. Soon I will get a break and I'll be just as stressed out as I am right now but instead of because I have no time, it'll be because I have too much time and not enough things to fill it with. I'm that girl. Ms "Grass is Always Greener." I just gotta take a page out of the animal's book and live in the moment. They don't care about anything but what's going on right now. While that may end up being a dangerous way to live your whole life, there's a delicate and necessary balance between planning and enjoying the time you've got now. I tend to waste the present time worrying and planning the next few hours. You can't get the present time back and you may never make it to the future so find a way to enjoy what you're given. And if someone could remind me of that every 3 minutes that would be great too!

Tuesday, November 5, 2013

A Horse is a Horse Of Course... I'm Not Sure


This has been a blog post a long time in the making. For the past few months, ok, let's be real; for my whole life as a mommy of animal children, I have felt completely inadequate. The guilt trips I take myself on would make people on a 14 day cruise around Jamaica and the Bahamas jealous. They can never have enough stuff, or the right stuff, or good enough stuff. You can only imagine how that fuels my fire to work three jobs.

In general, as a person, I am not "stuff" oriented. I have never had anything handed to me and I've always worked for the things I've wanted. Before this round of horses I spent my days running with my dogs, watching Sponge Bob and playing a LOT of spider solitaire (I'm serious, late nights of difficult emotional struggles with that game). I was happy with the minimal apartment I shared with my two big dogs. They had everything they needed and far too many things they wanted while I lived off a slow running computer and ramen. At this point in my life I was guilt tripping myself about the time I wasn't spending with the dogs. As you can imagine, I got over that pretty quick when the hooved animals bashed their way into my life again.

While I am here to tell anyone that any animal requires a lot of time and money, I am also here to tell you that what dogs require and what horses require are from two totally different planets. I thought the list of things I wanted for the dogs was extensive and then, all of a sudden, I had a list of stuff I want for the horses and it is literally like comparing a magazine to a dictionary in both quantity and quality. A magazine has cheap fad content with a lot of gaudy and unnecessary pictures while a dictionary is rich in language and text. There are only so many collars and leashes you can buy for your canine companions. Even if you're showing them, your equipment is minimal compared to a horse.

This afternoon we were introducing a family who is thinking about buying their daughter her first horse to the needs vs wants world of horses. In all honesty, the needs are not as extensive as a non horse person might think. At the minimum it's feed, water, shelter, hay, buckets, halter, lead rope, farrier, vet. Some of these are one time buys and some of them are reoccurring expenses but they are not, or don't have to be, the thousands of dollar a month hobby that some people make it out to be.

Then we started showing them tack. And brushes. And gels. And lotions. And glitter. Ok, maybe not glitter. But we got down and showed them the darker side of horses. The "wants" side of horses. The bottomless pit, the endless abyss, the labyrinth of nonsensical items on which you can spend your hard earned cash. Apparently during this part of the speech I was extremely vocal because I was told I was the "wants" girl.

Like I said, I don't think of myself as a stuff person. But I do want the very absolute best for my animals. Maybe this does, in fact, make me a stuff person but surely my intent counts for something right? I can't have my boys walking around without blankets and halters and leads and saddles and bridles and saddle pads that are not as good as someone elses! They'll be devastated! I want them to be comfortable and happy. I want their needs fulfilled and their wants too! My dictionary thick list of stuff is all for their benefit. They want it! Right? RIGHT?! Guilt trip initiated about how I'm a bad mom, the horses aren't happy, life will not go on, etc, etc.

Excuse the dramatic turn, but my friend posted a quote on Facebook yesterday that made me realize it was time to write this post. I'm not sure if it's his or he borrowed it from someone else so I will copy it as his:
         "The best feeling in the world is realizing that you’re perfectly happy without the thing you
           thought you needed the most" - Jay Blanton

While I both agree and disagree with this statement, it made me think really hard. I think that wants are placed in our lives to show us our direction. I think there are things that are reasonable to want because we were all programmed with different passions and desires and also with different life outcomes. I also believe that a vast majority of us have been inundated with media and fads. We are told what we want and don't want and, for the most part, we accept those things to be fact. Children no longer want to be astronauts and scientists when they grow up, they want to be Tyra Banks and "that guy from Mortal Combat."

This is not a post about how to raise children or how our world is on a downward spiral to food stamps and government aid, it's about wants! My most recent guilt trip has changed focus from what I can't provide for my animals to what is appropriate to want and not want.

A horse is a horse. That's all. Whether you paid $1000 for your OTTB or $1,000,000 for your KWPN 4'6" jumper, they are both horses. At the end of the day they all poop in their water buckets and want nothing more than to eat grass in a pasture till their dying day. Whether you have them in a plain $30 hunter bridle or a $500 bridle with a flash nose band, they both spook at things they've never seen and throw shoes just to spite you. If you keep them in your backyard or at a $1000/month boarding facility they'll both still roll in the mud when given the chance and snag their brand new Weather Beeta blanket on that piece of fence you've fixed 10 times.

There are definitely times and places where horses are not happy. Extreme cases of neglect, abuse, and abandonment are never good places for horses. What I realized is that I do not think I can live without horses in my life, they are my goal, my passion, and my purpose; but I CAN live without that $3k cross country saddle or the $200 leather grooming halter I love so much. When Cash whinnies at me when I roll up the driveway it's not because I spent extra money on his blanket or bought the more expensive polo wraps, it's because I feed him, love him, groom him, and make an effort to bond with him every day. Your want list can be as long as your dreams can make it. As long as you realize what is really important and don't get lost thinking you aren't good enough because someone else has a better saddle than you. Nothing can replace desire, talent, and drive.

I will continue to keep my want list and get the things I can when I can, but I will no longer be consumed by the fact that I don't have all of those things right now. Work with what you've got and don't ever get complacent. It's ok to want more, it helps us get where we're supposed to go. Just don't stare at your wants so long you get down on yourself and give up. Use them as motivation and enjoy the moments as they're given to you!

Monday, November 4, 2013

A Thief in The Night

Recently the barn has been having some issues with missing feed. Since everyone is responsible for supplying their own feed this has got a lot of us up in arms. We come in the morning to flipped over feed bins, piles of feed in the aisle, and lids everywhere. You've heard the expression, "Don't come between a mother and her child," but I'd like to adjust it to say, "Don't come between a mother and her children's food because that directly affects their weight and her pocketbook, 2 things that you seriously don't want to mess with."

There were several theories and extremely heated discussions about who/what it could be and how we could stop the thief from ravaging our feed bins. The first, and least finger pointing theory was that we had a Houdini on the farm. Could it be?! One of our horses has opposable thumbs and is somehow getting out of his enclosure? If so, this same horse was so good that no one saw him and he put himself back after he was done wreaking havoc on our pony's breakfasts. Or maybe it is a ghost horse? We were postulating who it might be and how we might fix the issue. Aside from super gluing every latch shut, putting a ceiling over every pasture, and locking every gate, we were at a loss regarding how to fix this problem, if this was, indeed, the problem. I suppose we were waiting around to speak to all the horses and have one of them start the conversation off with, "Guess who has two thumbs and eats all the food in the middle of the night? THIS GUY!" Since that never happened we moved on to other theories.

As our minds ran wild they moved on to bigger and more upsetting possibilities, as minds are often want to do. Someone is taking our food. Some person is opening our buckets, taking the food out, and feeding it to their horses. Unfortunately this is all too real a possibility. Boarders are in and out of the barn at all hours. Our feed is out in the open, unguarded, unlocked, and completely helpless! We have some less than savory characters that sometimes show up (invited by boarders lacking logic and stability) who have just as much access to feed as we do. I have to admit, we got a little illogical during our tirades. Most people stealing a scoop of feed (or FIVE) aren't going to go about making it look like a horse got out. Unless, of course, this person walks around like Jack Sparrow after three too many rums and runs into things willy nillie.

The best part was, once we made it to this solution, there wasn't a whole lot of other ideas of what it could be. We were out for blood like a werewolf on a full moon night. Guesses of who did it ranged from a 7 year old kid to a 50 year old man. The speculations as to why were endless. I think most of us felt like this mystery robber had a vendetta against all five of us (because OBVIOUSLY there weren't any other common denominators at all that would allow us to draw any other conclusions). Other reasons were lack of money, to which we all argued in favor of selling said person's horse to recoup losses, the apparent con artist nature of everyone at the barn who was not us, and plain fun at watching us suffer. Despite what it may sound like now, our barn is not full of felons and serial killers. I promise.

Like I said, at this point we had given up on the other possibilities and were now honing in on, what we knew, had to be the culprit. So we decided to take it upon ourselves to bring the bandit to light. Our first thought, stake out. Yeah. It had gotten to the point where we were willing to stay outside, all night, hidden and quiet, in the cold and, in some cases, rain, to catch and then subsequently shame and evict the bad guy. We had it half planned out in 3 minutes flat. Parking the cars behind the house or even at the gas station down the road and walking in. Staking out in an empty stall or the tack room. All of us in black. No one really thought about the fact that 4-5 girls were involved. This implies a lot of giggling, not a lot of paying attention, perhaps some shrieking (we would be outside with bugs and shadows and other anti-girly things), and definitely not a lot of mettle to back up our anger. Oh yeah, and big girl jobs.

Someone must've thought about at least one of those things and how a stake out was probably our least likely way of catching any culprits. I'm guessing it was a husband or boyfriend who thought it out because along with the rain they provided over our parade, they offered a more ideal solution. Game cam (and we wanted to do it the hard way!). Put it up when no one was out there, don't tell anyone, hide it well and give it a few days. It was ingenious, and unfortunately not my idea.

We never made it that far. As I walked up to talk to Maggie about this awful situation and our solution, another boarder walked up and described the gigantic raccoon tracks he has been seeing in the mud. What?! Raccoons?! No. Definitely no. I was indignant. Doesn't this guy know someone is STEALING feed. The nerve of him to blame these incidents on some poor, small, starving raccoon. But then the stories started coming out of the woodwork. 3-4 coons at a time, an ambush, a planned attack. Opposable thumbs were the culprit. Some of these stories were coming from people we may or may not have pointed fingers at. To which our response was, "Suuuuuuuuure. A Likely story. Convenient isn't it, this raccoon story you've been spreading."

While a horse or two did end up getting out, and we haven't entirely ruled out a legitimate thief, we do think we've found the actual problem. No, we haven't purchased a game camera but it is next on the list if we are given any reason to think coons aren't the true culprit. One of our ranks has made a personal sighting of a baby grizzly bear sized coon so we are more convinced. Right now we are fighting fire with... well, bungee cords. On everything. Unfortunately raccoons are a tad smarter than we tend to give them credit for and it's only a matter of time before they figure out how the cords work.

Although we were gung ho about a stake out when we thought we'd catch a 2 legged raccoon, we can be just as gung ho for a stake out with rifles for real raccoons. Although a stake out for raccoons of the size we are talking about might end in a weird wrestling match with the raccoons grabbing us each in a choke hold and making us tap out, thus forcing us to buy feed to forever appease our captors. What I'm saying is, we don't really have a solid plan of attack, just a lot of pent up frustration and less feed per dollar. I think we are planning on riding out the bungee cords until the coons figure them out and then stepping up our game. This is war, so let the battles begin.