Fun? On a Horse?

Writing this post, I feel like J.K. Rowling about to release an unannounced Harry Potter book minus the billions of fans, the creativity, the notoriety, and the million dollar check in the mail. But I'm sure you aren't interested in my less than cushy lifestyle or my lack of creative writing skills. Aside from the fact that you should now be tallying up my Harry Potter references, our playday was a smashing success!

The day started out splendidly. Cool weather, football and donuts. While we were slightly late arriving at the barn, I had prepared the night before and brushed all the horses and put coolers on them so that I had minimal grooming to do in the AM (that's right, show experience shining through a bit). I decided Panda's costume was going to be a Chip N' Dales dancer and I would be a bachelorette. It was easy, upside down bell boots, a WHOLE lot of gel to make his mane stick up like a Mohawk, and a bowtie. I was planning on a black sweater dress with my riding apparel on underneath of it. Anyway, when I checked outside at 9 that morning it was bordering on chilly.

Hold on to your pants, you're about to get a few lessons right now. Weather first. So in Texas we don't have quite the dramatic temperature changes throughout the day as a desert does but we come mighty close. Closer than pretty much any other climate. So just because it's 62 degrees at 9am does not mean it will be that way in 3 hours. In fact, it almost definitely will NOT be that way in 3 hours. Fast forward to me in breeches, tall socks, boots, a tank top and a sweater dress in 75 degree weather with 90% humidity. Hot and grumpy.

I debated on which lesson to impart you with next but it seems like vocabulary makes the most sense. I would like to introduce you to the word "hangry." It is from American roots and means someone who is in dire need of sustenance and due to malnutrition is very touchy, on edge, and downright impossible to be around. Hangry. I was hangry. Which brings us to the science lesson of the day. Sugar does not a well rounded breakfast make. I don't care how "magically delicious" or "grrrrrrreat" something is, if it's straight sugar you need to pack a snack. And probably fit in a workout sometime in your near future. So donuts at 9 does not correspond to a feeling of fullness at 1:30 pm. In fact, the sugar high was over and I was now plummeting off a sugar cliff into a land where no one can make me happy. No one ever.

Needless to say, the costume contest was not as fun for me as it might've been. But I was planning on not doing too hot in that anyway so there were no tears shed. While the costume contest was fun, I'm not going into gory detail because most of what I remember were bad words and people moving too slowly. I'm going to jump to the part where my boyfriend got smart and shoved a hotdog and a Dr. Pepper in my hand and all the world was filled with rainbows and unicorns pooping hundred dollar bills.

The events commenced without too much of an issue. First was poles. The boys showed us how it was done, mostly. They galloped their ponies down, weaved the poles up and back and galloped back to the finish line. After 2 of the boys went I was about to raise my hand and ask if we were mandatory drug testing horses because I was pretty sure no horse naturally moves as fast as those ponies were going. Finally we come to my turn. Here I am summoning up my courage and fighting down the burning feeling in my stomach that is nerves and I ask about penalties. "Penalties?!" they laugh, but we end up deciding a pole down is 5 seconds. Off I go. I got smart and got a running start before the line so we were at cruising speed when we reached it but I didn't bank on how long it would take to slow Panda down and turn him so we blew past the end of the poles. Back on course I decided to trot down which was fantastic. So fantastic that I decided, "Hey, I can canter these back!" Wrong, wrong, wrong, wrong, wrong. After breaking into a canter, Panda decided that weaving poles is for people without any brain cels. I told him that was me and I wanted him to do it so he half-way complied but it was too late. With the pole halfway down and continuing to fall, Panda did what I've been training him to do, he jumped it. I didn't think it was bad at all but judging by the collective gasp from the crowd I will thank my lucky stars I stayed on. We sat in third place all the way till the last rider edged us out by a fraction of a second.

The flag race made us all a bit nervous. Not many people practice waving a small stick with cloth on it around our horses while riding. For good reason as most of our horses are scared of their own shadows! I was in a dressage saddle on a horse that doesn't turn and on top of all that, I don't have a death wish. We trotted to pick the flag up and then cantered around the barrels to drop it off. Altogether uneventful, especially since I was expecting Panda to break into a full "airs above the ground" routine. I may have cheated a bit... Our little arena boy was running back and forth to get the flag from the bucket we dropped it in to the bucket we pick it up from so I just asked him to try and scare my horse with it before we got going. That's totally kosher right?!

I forgot to mention in the flag race that again, we got shown up by the younger boys. Barrels went about the same way. We all thought we made pretty good runs at the barrels and then they made their runs. And we cried a lot as they did flips and high-fived from the backs of their ponies. This really isn't as fictitious as it sounds. I was completely pleased. We cantered 2 barrels and one of them Panda really dug in and turned around it. I'd like to thank the training he has but I was reminded that horses aren't fond of falling down and when you're going that fast and turning that tight they tend to get their legs under themselves and figure things out pretty quickly. Either way, it wasn't bad. I think I even got third place!

Key hole was incredible for so many different reasons. First being that I literally had NO idea what it was. I looked at the pattern and thought it was pretty easy. Then they spray painted the pattern on the ground and I still was ok with it until I asked the question everyone was wondering, "Do we go inside that pattern or outside?" I got laughed at. Apparently it's obvious that a 16 hand horse that can't walk straight should be able to plant all 4 hooves in an area no wider than 6 inches!!! Ok, maybe a little wider but talk about butterflies! On top of that, I had to go SECOND (thank heavens I was not first). I believe my words to Amanda, who went first, were, "Come on Amanda! Show us how it's done! Cause I really don't know..." I pulled it together and figured we might as well just trot. So I took my time, trotted Panda around to get a consistent speed, crossed the start line, AND HE STAYED IN THE LINES!!! So that alone made me ecstatic. Then chaos. I didn't think about turning a bit right once we got into the larger area where we had to make the turn. So I yanked his face left and tried to use my leg. Then we were going too left so I yanked his face right. Poor horse probably should've started bucking or rearing or refusing to do anything at this point. I don't know what possessed me to gallop as fast as I could back down the 6 inch span of dirt but I cowgirled up and we flew down to the finish line accompanied by cheers. My time was 12.6 seconds. Telling me that was like telling me that what the word for jello is in Chinese. I thought that was by far my worst ride but people were, like, legitimately impressed with it. Who knew?! I ended up first in that event!

So aside from learning a few western events that I was previously blind to, I really learned to kick loose and have fun! A good gallop never hurt anyone as long as you and your horse are working together, listening to each other, and not out of control. It's good to have fun on a horse and expand your horizons. I especially learned to tell my nerves to take a hike and to think logically about what my horse and I are capable of, what's safe to attempt, and strategize how we can do our best with the skills we have. I can't wait to do another one and I'm even more ready to start showing!