The Route To Incredible Is Perilous

I started writing this post to avoid figuring out how to work my sewing machine. It didn't come with instructions, and I had it in my mind that if I couldn't figure it out all by myself, then it wasn't worth doing. I'd just go back to hand sewing the ears on my bonnets forever and suffer in my one person sweatshop while this technologically advanced machine sat staring me in the face.

There was one point where I felt like throwing things against the wall. Then I "took a break" to go to the barn. Both of these things happened shortly after getting the machine out of the bag and finding a plug for it, to put into perspective my level of patience with learning this new skill. I started feeling a bit guilty that I had put off finishing 3 bonnets for over two weeks because I was "trying to figure out the sewing machine," so I got back to work actually trying.

Long story short, I am not the kind of person who can do things by magic. A short YouTube clip later and I had grasped how to thread the upper and lower portions of the machine and also found out that I was making it much more difficult than it needed to be. Who would've guessed?

So what do sewing machines and horseback riding have in common, other than the fact that I'm using mine to make horse related material? Let me tell you.

Panda has been in rehab for the last 2 weeks after an injury he sustained almost a month ago. Since I can't ride him, I've been picking up some rides on other horses where I can to fill my schedule and stay sharp. I took a lesson on one of the horses from my dressage trainer last Saturday and was so excited to work with her on him when she looked at me sitting as tall and straight as I thought I possibly could and she says, "He really brings out your crookedness."

Panda and the pony who beat him up 

I was shattered. What? I mean I guess I haven't been thinking super hard about my crookedness recently, but I thought we were over that. I thought I was better than that. I thought I had aired out the skeletons in my closet. I wanted to get off and say, "Never mind then. I want to go back to the barn. I'll take a lesson when my horse is back in business." But that's the problem. I can sit a lot taller and straighter on my horse because I ride him all the time.

To become a truly good rider, you have to be able to take what you know on one horse and be able to do it on all the horses. And I don't mean get the horse on the bit and leg yield it around the arena. I mean sit tall, on your seat bones, engaging your core while staying loose in your hips and shoulders and keeping your thumbs up. You have to ride well, no matter what the horse knows. You cannot sacrifice a good position just because you're riding a green horse.

I remember a point where I would've been proud of this picture.
Now I see my hands are too low and the overarching in my back.

For an hour and a half we worked on sitting the trot and canter without stirrups. At the end I was grasping concepts, but also gasping for air. It makes the sewing machine seem a lot easier. At least for my machine, there is a 15 minute video to watch, and as long as you follow the direction, 2 + 2 always equals 4. With horses you have to explain what 2 + 2 means and they still may offer you the answer 5 sometimes. It's part of the reason horses are an addiction, but also part of the reason so many people never make it to the upper levels.

It isn't easy. You think you've got something, and then you sit on a new horse and you found out you're not as super as you thought you were. Or you find out you do have it, but there's 2,000 other concepts and subtleties you need to master in order to ride the movement correctly.

It's simple. Nothing requires acrobatics, or yoga instructor flexibility. Yet holding your wrists just right, not overarching your back, and keeping a long leg might as well be contortionist movements when you throw in the fact that you're on a horse.

Panda through the water and his first big boy event. We have a long
way to go but we've come pretty far too.

To get better, you have to either have a very good sense of humor, or the ability to go home, cry, and come back and try again. Or you have to be ok with the level you're currently riding at. There aren't many other options or ways around it. It's easy to quit. It's hard to get back on the horse and work on your skeletons when progress is nearly invisible day to day. That's why, for all the hundreds of thousands of people who ride horses in America, there are only a handful whose names you know. I want to be the handful, not the masses. And I am willing to watch the YouTube video, read the directions, get back on the horse, and develop my sense of humor in order to become the handful.

Beautiful Bonnets and Brushes

I recently decided to start a business. This was/is an interesting and somewhat scary decision for me. In bettering myself as a person this year I have discovered a lot of things. One is that I have a lot of wonderful ideas, but my follow through is sorely lacking. So I decided to begin selling my painted brushes because if I don't do it, someone else will. And there's nothing that would get under my skin more than seeing an idea I had, come to fruition with someone else at the wheel.

I came up with a name, Warm Up Ring Bling. I made a Facebook page. I took pictures of the brushes I had previously painted to post on the Facebook page. I advertised on several groups I am a part of. I was quite proud of myself for taking these steps!

Then I decided that I know how to crochet, and I felt I could make ear bonnets. So I brought my ear bonnets home to use as templates, YouTubed a LOT of how to crochet different stitches videos, and got to work. The first one was gigantic but it actually looked ok! A little tweaking and measuring and I can now pump a bonnet out in under an hour! I found a sewing machine for super cheap thanks to a friend of a friend, and I am well on my way to a one person sweat shop!

A business is an interesting entity. It does not make itself any more profitable than you make it. A Facebook page is awesome, but it is not, itself, fantastic advertising. Word of mouth is great, but it only gets so far at a barn that is not English and is filled with people who wouldn't be interested in something like that anyway. For how proud I was of myself in starting the business, keeping it going is proving to be another task in and of itself.

It takes a lot of believing. Positive thinking. Knowing that what you've got, someone else wants. In a way, I think it's a great preparation for me and my grandiose plan of owning my own barn one day. It's the idea of never give up. Never stop trying. Be flexible. A lot of things, no matter how disheartening, are not a reflection on you as a person. Success and failure are defined by you and you alone.

While I love making the brushes, they are extremely time consuming. I have recently focused a lot of my efforts on perfecting the bonnet design. They're coming along splendidly and I can now say I basically have a pattern memorized. Warm Up Ring Bling will be donating bonnets and brushes to our AEC adult team, "Always Be a Unicorn" and will also be sending bonnets all the way to Illinois for use in the hunter/jumper ring. If you are interested in a bonnet or a set of brushes for yourself, or if you know of anyone interested, please send them my way! I'm definitely becoming less shy about being a sell out for my business!  Facebook message is the best way to reach me!

This one is for Panda. Black, royal, and some bling. Representing our XC colors
in the dressage ring. 

A friend of ours liked the idea of a little color in the sandbox. Black, hot pink,
grey, with bling.

Perfect and low key, this bonnet is going to hunter land! We snuck in a little
bit of bling; the white yarn has sparkles :)

This bonnet was commissioned to match a saddle pad. I can't wait to see it
on a horse!

This is a great example of how customizable the bonnets are. This one is for
a Welch Section B pony. 

Love the royal and brown together. This one is for cross country!

Confidence; A Delicate Balance

Spoiler alert!!! I am not perfect.

Of course. No one is perfect. It's amazing how quickly you can go from feeling great about yourself, to feeling like you've been on a journey to nowhere and you've arrived there with a bang. I had that moment this week, and it was something I was not at all prepared for.

I love riding, dressage, eventing, and the never ending pursuit of knowledge. I am constantly reminded of how much I don't know, which is why I was surprised at my reaction to finding out I'm not God's gift to dressage.

Panda and I at the Debbie Clinic. Photo courtesy of Dusty Brown.

It went down like this. I was given the option to ride a notoriously difficult horse at the barn. I was really tired, and he takes a lot of work, but I've really been trying to take anyone and everyone up on the offer to ride different horses so I can further my skills. So weighing my options, to ride or not to ride, I chose ride. I know once I sit my hiney in the saddle I can focus pretty well and push through the wall of tired.

So we tacked up and I hopped on and we did a lot of walking. It was around 11 in the morning and already pushing 90 degrees so our workout was pre-planned to be pretty limited. The horse is quite difficult to get to come round in the walk so I left him on a loose rein, and when I felt we were ready, I picked up the trot. And everything unraveled. His ears were in my face. I was pulling instead of pushing. I couldn't keep him going. My hands were too high, and then too low. I couldn't keep my shoulders open while engaging my core. My right shoulder crept up like the Hunchback of Notre Dame, and even convinced my waist to start turning on every up post. I couldn't even keep my dang leg still.

My trainer is shouting things like, "Hands forward," and, "engage your core and push your belly button at him!" By golly, I couldn't do anything. And I was frustrated. Oh my gosh was I frustrated. Not two weeks before, we'd had a really good ride! I'd been working, while riding Panda, on the never ending battle I have with my right shoulder trying to make friends with my ear. I've also been working on my core, on my legs, on relaxing, on turning from the outside aids. All of it. And in one ride, I was back to feeling like I couldn't even post the trot.

Learning some good old fashioned classical dressage.
Photo courtesy of Dusty Brown

So I took a break and sat under a shade tree and absolutely cried my eyes out. I did some deep breathing exercises and tried to get my emotions under control so I could go back out there and try again, but I was devastated. It was like everything I had been working on and all I had been doing was for nothing. Like I was back at square one, and maybe even a little behind that.

I was scared too. Am I doing everything wrong? Am I ever going to get halfway decent at this? The AECs aren't far off and apparently I have to learn to ride all over again. But also, how did I get so overly confident? How can I avoid getting that way again?

But that's the thing about confidence. You've got to have it. I've lived a vast majority of my life without it, and it's not a life. You have to grow and nurture it. You also have to be aware that you have weaknesses and learn from them. Confidence isn't a bad thing. It's the inability to accept that you aren't perfect that is bad. You have to make mistakes to learn and you have to fall to get back up.

It's not that I haven't been working hard, it's that I still have more work to do. There will always be more work to do. If you don't put yourself in situations that will test your abilities, you will never find your weaknesses and they will continue to be weaknesses.

There's that awkward right shoulder. But at this point, we'd still come quite
a long way. Photo courtesy of Dusty Brown.

Life is a funny thing. Before I wrote this post I wasn't sure if it was the right thing to talk about this week. I was looking at my page views though, and saw that recently people have been looking at an old post of mine about how little I knew about dressage. I went back and read it and it made me laugh. I really knew nothing at all, but it gave me a wonderful perspective on how far I've come. Sometimes after a good knock to your confidence, you just need to change your perspective. As long as you don't quit, it will get better. They don't call it "hard work" for nothing.